I am enthused reading your e-mail sent to me. My malformed assistant relates to me in recent times seven grand tales of so-called "mystery" regarding myself; "yarns" which certainly create an amusement within. For do I not consume my eggs three at a time as all do, or squat facing Pluto?
Yours with humility and grateful retorts, especially as regards the "Yay,"
Greetings and salutations.
Congratulations on the release of your musical artist Mike Keneally's musical release. It has been a challenge reading the song titles printed on the bonus CD of the Nompkertompf......That little sucker spins around real fast. Thank you for your time.
I invite you to enjoy your life.
Suggestion: get that Exowax logo onto a tee-shirt. I LOVE it. Heck, I'll take 2! Drumbot 2.0 might make a swell Nonker-t as well. Hey, how about a pocket tee with Drumbot on the back and Exowax on the pocket? Nah, 2 different ones would be better - I wouldn't have to do my laundry as often. That's enough from me for now.
The absence of a salutation in your missive grieves me temporarily. I ascribe it to the impertinence of the day, but, as "they" are wont to say in these times, "fuck."
Perhaps after the sale of two "tee" garments to you, musician Keneally and I might at last with the proceeds retire to Kahramanmaras for rejuvenation and obsecration.
However I jest.
That is enough from you for now.
Dear Mr. Xavb, or may I call you "sweetheart"?,
My gracious, I am forced to endure no salutation and now one most forward and exhilarating. I am at a loss.
As regards your query: Perhaps I possess a photograph from the future depicting you being forced to inhale a chalice containing 766 newly provoked live manta ants as fitting punishment for your impertinence. I suspect that your country's military never allowed such frivolous and false correspondence to desecrate its sacred writing surfaces.
I implore you to economize your strength in preparation for the War Between The Retired, Colonel Bleep. And you will be most pleased if you do not underestimate the combative powers of an enraged and fiercely protective musical artist Mike Keneally on my behalf.
Hi Lamn, you old cock-knocker!
This greeting is, in your parlance, "more like it!" The public humiliation of your righteous correction will be noted now.
I fear you like no other.
PS: Musical artist Mike Keneally once told me of a delightful meal he enjoyed among his companions.
Dear Sir Amazing Wise Mister Lamn Xavb,
His recent series of performances at the Baked Potato in Hollywood found audience members flying in from the UK and Japan to get their live Keneally fix. Is Florida not far away enough to be mentioned? :->
The e-mail that you sent to me contained no salutation, so for the sanity of all, I took upon myself the liberty of creating one. You are indeed welcome.
Quite the contrary: My dog-eared copy of Butler's "Elements of Geography and History Combined in a Catechetical Form" states within that the American state of Florida is "too far away" to become mentioned (with the necessary exception of these twice references).
In light of your helpful intercession: I am beginning to assume the clarity, shame and abject humility of the Frequently Corrected, thanks to you and your previous lower-case comrade.
PS: I would be pleased to send you a XavbVoucher for a new one, providing you return it to me at once.
I could use a friend, A.
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